Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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