whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Damn victory sex feels great
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
