and she was petting her beer can
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
