my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
