i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
