He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
