you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
