Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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