I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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