It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
