Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
