Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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