Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
