What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
