May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
