Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
