i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize