Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
