what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
