well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
