There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
