why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
