how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
