i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
