my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
