btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
