So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
