btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
