I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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