Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
