omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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