It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
