My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
