how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
