Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
