I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
