That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I had to cum in my sink.
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