Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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