I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
