can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
