We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
