His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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