I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
