We're facebook friends in real life
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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