Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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