you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
