see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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