Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
