I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
