i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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