And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
