my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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