Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
