Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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