I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
