just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize