Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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