My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
