We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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