Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
