My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
