I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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