so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize