your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
