look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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