Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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