Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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