the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
