I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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