It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
