Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize