i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
