does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
