I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
