Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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