First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
