I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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