I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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