3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
