Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
