When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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