better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
