She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
