You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
