Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I did not marry a roomba.
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