i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
