I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
