Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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