kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
