Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
