Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
