And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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