4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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