I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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