Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He passed out mid-signature
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need to sanitize my soul.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
