To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
