Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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