So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
